Kindergarten Blues
By Gregory Keer
My mother warned me about this. With each school milestone, she would weep and hug me so hard I needed the jaws of life to escape. "My baby's growing up so fast," she'd say. "It's not that big a deal," I'd grumble. "Just you wait till you have children of your own. Then you'll know what it feels like to watch them grow away from you."
Congratulations, Ma, you were right.
Here I am, standing in the school supplies aisle of Staples, fighting back a torrent of tears. My five-year-old, that little baby who once crawled on the floors of our city apartment, giggling as he tried to escape my kisses, is heading for kindergarten.
Just a few months ago, we witnessed his "graduation" from preschool. Having a matriculation ceremony for five-year-olds is a bit over the top, but watching him stand on a stage with 45 other dressed-up kids, singing "Happy Graduation Day" (to the tune of "It's a Small World") was as much a thrill as it was a heartache. A thrill because Benjamin grinned brightly enough to create a glare in our camera lens and repeatedly waved to his brother Jacob (almost two) as if to say, "I made it, little bro. I planted the Keer flag on the terra firma of preschool." A heartache due to the slide show walk down memory lane in which we viewed our first-born racing on tricycles, throwing his arms around friends, and learning with wonderful teachers over the course of two years that are gone (gulp) forever.
At least we have Jacob at home. He allows us to revel in his dependency and his burgeoning abilities to talk toddler English and eat with a fork. Still, all this growing-up-fast has me in a wistful rut that shortens my breath even when Jacob moves from his Gym Runners class to Gym Explorers. "Oh my God. Jacob doesn't want to play with the colored whiffle balls anymore! He doesn't need me to hold his hand on the slide! Somebody call the production office and get me a rewind!"e his way into the bigger world. While lots of people told us we were crazy to spend the money when he would probably be fine in public school -- and perhaps they're right -- we were drawn to the security of a more intimate environment that matched our own learning philosophy. For us, the financial sacrifice was worth it to give our son a big boost in these formative years of his education.
As is often the case, only time will tell whether we've made the right decision for Benjamin. One lesson we certainly learned was that, in the blink of an eye, little Jacob will also be graduating preschool. Another blink and Benjamin will leave elementary school. The "Circle Game" Joni Mitchell once sang about will play on. And the emotions I feel with each passage simply means I am connected to the lives we are helping shape. Bring on the tears.
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