Infancy: Why Be Involved in This Stage at All?
By Armin Brott
The answer is simple. Because the more involved you are in raising your children, the better father you'll be. Being an involved father is good for everyone: your kids, your partner, and even yourself. Here are some of the specific benefits to being actively involved with your infant.
Benefits to Your Baby
They're smarter. Numerous studies have shown that the more involved dads are with their infants, the better they perform on all kinds of tests of intelligence. Things like rocking, talking, cooing, and touching, and encouraging independence make a big difference. And so does the father's skill as a playmate. Fathers who are good at basic games and actively engaged with their children have kids who are more cognitively advanced than those who can't keep their children interested.
They have better friendships and fewer social problems later in life. One fascinating new study found that babies who are deprived of quality time with their fathers in the first year of life often develop problems forming stable relationships later. Bathing and spending time putting the baby to bed are especially important bonding activities. Other research shows that when dads are absent during infancy, their kids have worse relationships with their peers at 4-8 years old. Not having a dad around deprives them of the chance to learn the kinds of behavior that other boys value.
They're less anxious. The more contact 5-month old infants have with their fathers (being bathed, fed, dressed, diapered), the more comfortable they feel around strangers, the less they suffer from stranger anxiety, and the better they handled stressful situations.
They're more independent. Fathers tend to allow infants to explore, while mothers are more cautious and less encouraging of exploration. This is especially true of boys, who are encouraged even more than girls.
They're better coordinated. Researchers have found that the more actively involved a six-month old baby has been with his father, the higher the baby's scores on mental and motor development tests.
Benefits to Your Partner
She'll be a better mother. The more involved you are and the more emotionally supportive, the more competent a caregiver your partner will be and the better her relationship with the children.
Benefits to You
It'll broaden your emotional horizons. Having a child gives you a chance to feel and express all sorts of emotions that you may never have felt before. In turn, having opportunities to express your emotions to your children may allow you to become more expressive and gentle in your relationships with others.
It puts things into perspective. Your ambitions and decisions and choices look very different when you consider them from the point of view of how they might affect your children or your family. Being able to step back and consider things more objectively makes you more sympathetic to others' points of view too.
It's good for your health. "Problems in a man's relationship with his child have a significant impact on his physical health, while his problems at his job did not," according to researcher Rosiland Barnett. "The men who had the fewest worries about their relationships with their children also had the fewest health problems. Those who had the most troubled relationships with their children had the most health problems."
You'll have a more successful career and a better life. "Men who take an active role at home are -- by the time their children are grown -- better managers, community leaders, and mentors," according to researcher John Snarey.
It helps your self-esteem. Men who take a more active role in running their households and rearing their children tend to feel better about themselves and about their family relationships than men who are less involved in family work.
Hailed by Time Magazine as "the superdad’s superdad," Armin Brott has written or co-written six critically acclaimed, groundbreaking books on fatherhood, including the recent Father for Life. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post, and dozens of other major publications. Armin has been a guest on hundreds of radio and television shows, including Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and "Politically Incorrect," and his work on fatherhood has been featured in such places as Glamour, Time, The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, Newsday, and many others. He’s also the host of "Positive Parenting," a weekly radio program which airs live in the San Francisco Bay Area and is also available on the Web. A father of three, he lives in Oakland, California. You can contact him at Armin@MrDad.com.
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